Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
