It's like a parade of train wrecks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
