I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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