I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
