Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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