She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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