So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
