I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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