in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
