Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
