wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
