I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
