If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
