If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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