and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
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I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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