Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
