the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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