Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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