her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
