yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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