Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
