hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
