Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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