i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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