Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
