i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
