we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
