Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
