nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
