I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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