funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
