glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
