At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
