Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
