Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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