I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
