Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
