Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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