there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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