If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i out mim tonsoeep
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