i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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