I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
