I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
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i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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