just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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