id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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