threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
