Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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