youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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