jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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