WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we should paint friendship bongs
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