guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
