It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
