Cold hands, warm shart.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
