so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
