My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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