Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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