we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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