My first STD was from a foam party
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
