I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
