If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
