Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
