This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
