does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
