I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm too high and old for this...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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