I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
