People with herpes should wear stickers.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
