it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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