seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
