Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
