I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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