she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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