youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
