Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
