He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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