Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They took my balls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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