Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
