you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
