I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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