Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
