look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
