i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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